As someone who has navigated life without the traditional family structure, I understand that parents are more than just a source of affection—they are the bedrock of a child’s security, identity, and emotional well-being. Growing up in the care system often meant missing out on the daily, subtle expressions of parental love that most take for granted: the comforting hug after a bad day, the proud cheers at a school play, or the gentle advice during life’s many crossroads.
The absence of this foundational relationship becomes even more poignant during the holiday season. Christmas, for me, a time marketed as the epitome of family togetherness, can feel isolating and challenging for care-experienced individuals. Families’ traditions and rituals—decorating the tree, exchanging gifts, or even the family arguments over Christmas dinner—are often memories we observe from the periphery rather than participate in.
This lack of familial bonds impacts our festive experiences, as well as our emotional resilience, sense of belonging, and self-esteem throughout the year. Research and conversations within the care-experienced community reveal that while many of us have forged our paths and found success, the absence of a parental safety net is a gap that never quite closes.
However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that the care-experienced community is resilient and resourceful. We often create our own families from friends, mentors, and significant others who provide the love and support that might be missing from traditional family structures. Though different from the conventional parental bond, these relationships offer unique strengths and profound connections.
For me, I was able to bridge this gap through service. Volunteering for my local homeless Christmas service gave me the opportunity to join a friendly and supportive community that is passionate about ending homelessness while providing warmth, companionship, and vital services to one of the most vulnerable groups in our society. Twenty-three years on, I’ve built lasting connections with other volunteers, whom I now call ‘family.’
For those reading this who have the privilege of strong familial ties, it’s essential to recognize the invisible struggles of care-experienced individuals. Small acts of kindness can make a world of difference: an invitation to join family celebrations, a thoughtful message, or simply acknowledging our unique experiences and feelings during the festive season.
Christmas is not just about the absence of parents for the care-experienced; it’s about finding and creating our own sense of family and belonging. It’s about the unrecognized resilience that has seen us through our journeys. By acknowledging our stories and offering support, society can extend the spirit of Christmas beyond the bounds of traditional family structures, making it a truly inclusive celebration.
